Friday, September 30, 2005

Burying Our Children

5:50 pm
post-church service.
parents should not have to bury their children. really they shouldn't.

how do i eulogise a guy my age?

of all the full-of-life go-getting people that i know, the grim reaper just had to go and get the top dog of them all?

honestly Lord...

and to think that he was so strong about it all, he did not want anyone to feel pity for him - neither would i, but i haven't had cancer yet, have i? - coz that just rained on his parade.

so when rachel gave the strongest, deepest, most poignant speech i have ever heard at a funeral service, i was slightly ashamed for getting misty eyed, coz paul would not have wanted that.

i feel like i need to go sit in a corner by myself and wait until the sobs come racking out of me, great big gut wrenching sobs that leave me feeling spent, cauterized and calm. like a lakeside town after a major all night storm.

2moro we're gonna pile into the cars and drive down to iganga to lay him to rest in a manner befitting of our long and varied relationships with him. maybe then the dam will burst and the tears will come. maybe i'll come back to town with a new resolve to be a better friend, not the sort that waits for events such as these to go round asking the old boys for their phone numbers and stuff...i wonder how many of these guys i'll be calling in like 8 weeks? 16 weeks? 3 months?

if only for today i'm going to be a bit morose and mope around the house. i feel such an indescribable sense of loss, made all the more profound because i suspect i'l never truly know just how much we lost when paul died.

so till we join you and easy e and aaliyah and biggie and 'pac in the thug mansion up yonder, i pour out some liqour for you.

to a good man.
Rest In Peace.

2 Comments:

Blogger Mataachi said...

why have you stopped uploading?

Fri Oct 07, 06:27:00 pm  
Blogger Degstar said...

mataachi,
too much emotional BS to deal with lately mate, so i'm just gonna dump it all up in here.
God loves You, dont u eva 4get that.

Mon Oct 10, 02:25:00 pm  

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