Thursday, December 15, 2005

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

the following events took place 2 months ago.
i have only gotten over them with liberal doses of the frothy stuff and long relaxing sessions in the pool telling myself i must learn to keep my opinions to myself in the presence of people i havent known for at least 10 years.
may y'all learn from my mistakes.

People, i fucked up last weekend!

no, y'all dont hear me...I FUCKED UP ROYALLY!

this is how it all started yeah, last thursday i had what i have now come to know as an Angina attack. Google that while you read the rest of this posting. cause i have had this stuff most of my life i paid no heed to it even though it had me worried, what with Paul's passing and all. then Friday i had a coupla more attacks and boy did these hurt like a bitch! the bloody lift was out of order and so we had to like use the staircase and i couldnt. i just couldnt walk up the stairs! i had to stand there and wait for the pain to subside boefore i could drag my shit upstairs.

then i get upstairs to the saltmine where it was a madhouse coz we were getting sorted for that thing on saturday and i'm trying to get the crazy office chick to do sumthin 4 me so i keep reminding her coz she got like a zillion things on her mind and listen real careful y'all...i look round and she's talking to this dude who's setting up his laptop like he gonna do a presentaion 4 her n d Finance Manager. he dont work here.

seeing the perfect opportunity to get her attention, some of it at any rate, i joined her and this dude who was showing us pix of the Queen of Buganda climbing d mountain with the gorillas yeah, Bwindi or sumthin. cool stuff really and i'm standing there feeling really ascerbic so when this pic of Dr. ###### ###### pops up, i kinda recognise her and the following exchage occurs btn me and the Crazy Office Chick (COC);

me; "who's that?"
COC; "thats ###### ######"
me; "damn, she got old!"

i knew this chick 4rm d days wen she was dating my buddy Steve's cousin n she ws young n hot
they split coz her prents like didnt approve of the dude or sumthin
long sideways glance 4rm COC loaded with implication, WHICH I TOTALLY MISSED! so bravely i soldiered on

me; "dats wat happens wen u dont get married"
COC (almost whispering); "she's married"
me; "yeah, but not to her true love!"

pregnant silence from COC n d guy doing the picture slideshow n Finance Mgner rite behind me
i begin to feel a queasiness in my belly like i just did sumthin really daft
the picture guy still doing his thing
why is he standing behind the chick i just dissed in dat picture?
oh shit now he's standing next to her!
fuck!! their body language!!!! these 2 have screwed each other!
double fuck, she's holding a baby n he's till standing behind her!

picture guy; "...yeah, and dats my son. he's a year old now..."

i cant breathe, i cant move, i wanna look away, i cant look away, i want the ground to fucking SWALLOW me now, Lord strike me dead now - I'm ready to go

now he turns to me n COC n Finance Mgner and sez

"...n dats my wife Gladys..."

it is finished. i am officially fucked.

COC slowly n purposefully walks away, Finace Mgner suddenly is speaking on the phone (funny but i dont remember it ringing) and kinda taking himself off to the corner - from which he did not return 4 like 30 minutes

think dude think
apologise. yeah good idea that. do it now
breathe dude breathe
wat do i say, how do i say it? fuck dude, u just called his wife a Minger


Blogger Iwaya said...

you made this up, didn't you? i mean, this didn't happen in real life, right? u killed two friendships with one stone? (lame but it's the best i could manage.)

Mon Dec 19, 12:30:00 pm  

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