Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Blog 42

Until I saw “Jarhead” last night, I was – have always been – gung-ho about all things military. publicized lot of them all, the United States Marine Corps. There is just something so right about watching a bunch of retards, anal retentive, jerks, geniuses, criminals, suburban and inner city kids arrive at boot camp with their newly shaven heads all raring to learn how to be the biggest, meanest, toughest sons of … female dogs that the drill sergeant can pass out in 18 months.

See the naïve optimism dripping from their just-learnt-how-to-shave face as Master Drill sergeant takes is first roll call, bite tour finger nails in anticipation as you watch this big bald hunk of male-hood stalk down the line of grunts just looking foe that one too bright blue eyed gleam that he will pounce upon and bench-press the life out of. Can you not feel the palpable tension as we wait to see who of this motley bunch of admittedly buff recruits is going to be the first one to crack under the mind numbing routine of bench presses, 10km morning runs, obstacle courses, crawling through the mire of a barbed wire infested field under the staccato bursts of live gunfire or just plain old diarrhoea. Because yes, every military man must endure his share of the squirts, have you seen the slop they feed those guys? Especially our guys, the gallant officers – no, make that the gallant women and men, of the UPDF?

My favourite part of the movie is when the jock with the biggest chip on his shoulder is sel3cted by the Drill Sergeant to be teacher’s pet and what does he do? (never a she except for G.I Jane and we all know the fate of that!) the jock initially comes off showing immense promise you think he’s going to be bumped up to Sergeant before the war (purpose of the war) even starts but does he? No sir, he does not. He proceeds to muck up in the most spectacularly public fashion ensuring that not only will he not be promoted, he will likely be demoted and sent to clean out the “restrooms” of the troops – lash me with a cat-of-nine-tails but please co not ask me to do that.

However in a twist of fate, he will be asked on the sly to take charge of the other grunts because it just came to the attention of the brass at Camp Swampy that the new teachers pet – him of the wiseass attitude and smart rejoinders – is in fact a retired crack dealer who lied on his application form when he signed up. Is it not just sad that they only discovered this anomaly after 18 months of boot camp and a further 9 at Camp Swampy? Moreover when everyone’s just about ready to ship out top I-raq and set about maiming and killing women, children and half blind Imams.

I wonder if the much harangued men and women of the UPDF go through similar or worse (or even better) tribulations/situations. Obviously since publicising exactly what goes on, training wise and what not, in our military barracks’s, detaches, training schools, Mama Ingia Pole-Poles and Bombo GMHQ is not high on the agenda of Maj. Kulaigye, we will settle for displays of accountability at yearly celebrations of their day. That and I suppose, exuberant imagination.
P.S. y’all probably knew this already but I’ll say it just the same. The Israeli Defence Forces makes a boatload of money, and then some, by hiring out its equipment to Hollywood for prices as pocket friendly as $ 1 million per day for an F-18 fighter plane, complete with expensively trained pilot and ground crew. Oba how much would we get for our MIGs? Over to you Afande Oweyesigire.


Blogger Lovely Amphibian said...

bad boy, whachu gon'do when they come for you? great post. and oh, congs for that stunt lil'sis pulled. start flexing ya muscles coz its time to beat up the benchers.

Wed Feb 22, 06:37:00 pm  
Blogger Lovely Amphibian said...

dont you just wish we could just go bak to that time before the exams!

Wed Feb 22, 06:38:00 pm  
Blogger Carlo said...

some advice, read the book "How I Saw It" by Col. Pecos Kutesa. no, i'm not just marketing my dad's book (although it'll bring me that much closer to a car) but he explains in detail what the then NRA went through for training. you'll be surprised how true hollywood really is!

Sat Feb 25, 03:50:00 pm  

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