Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Mirror Mirror

mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest dentist of them all?

my company's medical insurance is with the International Medical Group. they have the best customer service of any medical establishment i've been to lately, no doubt helped along by the fact that they also have a large number of PYTs working for them. somehow your toothache is made more bearable by the fact that your appointment with the dentist is being taken care of by Stella or Liz or Marie or my personal favourite, Rachael. Go Rach, you so totally rock baby!

anyways, i have a mouthful of fillings ocassioned no doubt by one too many KitKats - i tried quitting but those Kats are vicious, they would not let me go, they just wouldn't - so being in pain on the right side of my gob, i went to the hospital to enquire if our insurance extended to third party providers such as my personal dentist, who is the coolest dentist countrywide, and one of those aforementioned PYTs tells me they now have not just one but two dental chairs!! wow! they do?
in other words, they can take care of me personally. my problem it turns out, is due to the filling in one of my molars chipping so i need to get it redone. sawa, so when do i come by? Feb 28 at half eleven.

so yesterday i'm at the hospital bright and early. i'm really not too keen on this guy who's gonna do my teeth, however i'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. so he comes out and calls me in and i lie back in his chair and wait to get started, inane chitchat, u know how docters are. so i tell him again what my problem is, he dons his gloves and asks me to open wide and starts poking around in there. i close my eyes and wait for him to anaesthise my gum cause i hear the drill thingy starting up in the background.

kati he's like ... doing whatever dentists do to your teeth with what feels like a high pressure water jet and while something tells me something's not quite kosher here, i cant quite place my finger on it until when he inserts this extractor thing under my tongue, then it hits me, he's actually started drilling out the filling! sans anaesthetic!! my involuntarily gagging at this realization should have made him pause for due reflection but wapi, he's like, "ok, relax now, i need to clean out the filling so i can see whats underneath it ok? just relax", just relax! dude, u're digging into my tooth without painkiller, how'd u expect me to relax knowing that, huh?

and where's ur nurse anyway? this extractor thingy is gonna be a problem mate! he must have read my thoughts then cause you know what he did then? he had me hold the extractor thingy in position, in my really wide open mouth, with my left hand while he commenced to make short work of my tooth. my right hand on the other hand, like that wordplay, was buried so deep in his chair's arm rest i'm sure they're still digging out nail fragments as i speak. dear lord, the feeling of being drilled was like nuthin i ever want to go through again. i could feel dat drill bit all the way down to my tail, it was that intense! and when he inserts these cotton balls under my tongue and i start gagging again, he unleashes the clincher for me, "just relax ok, breathe through your nose now", what in the name of Mike is that about? breathe through my nose? what'd you think i'm breathing thru, my ears?

at this point resistance was like a certain Colonel's presidential ambitions - stillborn - so i conceded and let him finish extracting what was left of my gum before he proceeded to pack my liitle canyon full of a silver coloured paste. the rest of my fillings are like a charcoal gray so i'm getting quite a colour display going on up in there. den he announces he's done so i'm free to go and i can't quite get my mouth to close. but he's got some news for me, he's found two more cavities so i've gotta return twice to get them done. really, funny but i don't feel any pain or whatever, oh dear, woe is me.

back at the office, the chicks want to know all about my gory experience and i spared them no detals. then we started arguing about whose dentist is the coolest, since this is my space, i will state here that Geoffa, whatshisname, Dr. Bataringaya is the absolute business when it comes to dental hygiene, anyone else and u're only swimming upstream. my word.

that dude has like the coolest bedside manner, he'll make u totally comfortable explaining exactly what he's gonna do and why, show you what's going on with your teeth, share little anecdotes and all that - he's like a life coach, drinking buddy, elder brotha, pimp, financial consultant and all round stand up guy. i once asked him why he had a map of Africa on his ceiling and he explained that he was still saving up for a plasma screen. imagine that, a plasma screen to check out while u get ur teeth done up. cooler than sliced bread.

anyone wanna dispute that, please be my guest.


Blogger Jay said...

I have been meaning to visit a dentist because I havent visited one since when i was wearing short pants, but your story just reminded me why I havenot gathered the nerve yet.

Wed Mar 01, 02:54:00 pm  
Blogger Carlo said...

and we're in an argument over who has the best dentist because . . . ? as far as i remember dentists gave me nightmares so i'm not even going to get involved. well, besides the fact that i haven't been to a dentist in eons so have no experience in these matters whatsoever.

Fri Mar 03, 12:06:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

True that about the IAA ladies, though. Cute, cute, cute.

Mon Mar 06, 11:09:00 am  

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