Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Why Men Sleep With A Lotta Women.

3:53 pm Labour Day

I’m sitting on my bed writing this and thinking about the role women play in my life. This line of thought was inspired by this chick, friend of my sister, walking past me in the corridor whilst I did my ironing for the week. Incidentally at the very same time I was just answering a call from my mum who’d called to wish me a Happy May Day – that’s what they call it where she lives. The inspiration I refer to is that at the very same instant that my thumb was hovering over the “yes” button on the cell phone, my mind was thinking, “what would it be like to sleep with … (lets call her) M?”

In itself, that I was pondering the eventuality of coitus with M is nothing surprising. I am male; the very first thing we do when we meet a new female, a process our subconscious goes through so fast that we’re not even consciously aware of it, is determine whether or not we want to sleep with her. If we decide not to, then we’ll be her friend or whatever.
So, while I lie on a bed that I currently share with another of my sister’s friends, S, and sip on brilliant Ugandan coffee – Rugasira’s brand – out of a mug that an ex, N, gave me, I’m thinking how soon I want to be with M. Speaking of being with, the ex referred to, N?, classic example of a chick mixing up her position in the food chain and failing to grasp the concept of “Kissing Buddies”.

A kissing buddy is exactly that. A friend you can call on when you get a biological itch. We all have them, if we aren’t virgins, and if we are then we should learn what they are. Because friends and foes, we all need them. Unlike my ex, a KB does not mistake a hard-on for anything other than exactly that; a need to get laid. She/she will not “put feelings in things” to put it in Kampala-speak. The minute N put feelings into plain old fashioned booty calls; she went south – setting her horde of friends on me in the process. How I laughed. But enough of that.

I set out to share my thoughts on why we like to sleep with many women. Notice that I do not say cheat or philander or commit adultery, as your neo-Christian outlook may have you put it, just “like to sleep with many women”. When I meet a person and they make enough of an impression upon me, I generally tend to want to get to know them better. If they’re male, that means pints and pork and discussions on how to make money together. Anything else and they’re wasting time because I already got a band of brothers. Hollaback Frog, Busta, Lolo and Toko, I got your back hommies!

Now when I meet a female I like, I want to sleep with her. Unless of course she’s family I didn’t know about. Even I got scruples. By the way friends of my other sis, the baby, are outta the question because they’re barely 21. So that’s how I do; none below 21 (used to be 23 until Y – story for another day) and no family – however distant. In my old book, I had girl friends I could talk to about everything and others I slept with, both being very distinct categories. Until I Ingia-ed one of my closest friends – and for all you cats that know me, NO, it was not HER, ok? Quit gaping. When a few weeks later, in a moment of remorse brought on by the act, cause now I couldn’t be her friend like before and she wanted to know why, I sought the advice of an older male well versed in these matters, he swiftly assuaged my fears with the simple question, “Does Sudhir have female best friends?”

Turns out the chick herself had been waiting months (12 exactly) for me to make a pass at her. When she got tired of hearing about N & Y & M & S etcetera, she took things into her own panties … and the rest is history. Now I go by a new, much edited book. In that book, I believe thus; to get to know a woman well, like really well, sleep with her.
If it’s passable, quit while you’re ahead. If it’s ok, she’ll be a loyal friend, if it’s spectacular, you aren’t the first and you will not be the last. Make your peace with it.
Wit and intelligence and personality are all very well but so what? I am not in the market for a baby mama, I simply want to make some money and blow it (pun intended) getting laid. Wait a minute, I’ll take intelligence; nothing is as galling as a mentally challenged chick post-coitus. Now do I really want to sleep with M or am I just responding to the Wonderbra and French perfume?

On Tha SpeakerBox: Testify; Kanye West


Blogger savage said...

Now I hold you in high esteem just like the Nation of Islam holds Louis Farrakhan.

One thing I have discovered that it takes a girl with hoochie tendencies to get her hand on the pulse of the kissing buddy or friends with benefits concept.
In my experience, single girls always try to get clingy at some point down the line.

Now about if you really wanna sleep with M, I am positive you do.
The wonderbra and French perfume are just stimuli.

I believe men and women would go along way in understanding each other bettet if they all grasped the ladder theory.

Tue May 02, 07:10:00 pm  
Blogger savage said...

Sorry for the long-winded comment.
Commenting on other people's blogs is the new blogging. Ya'll get with the program.

Tue May 02, 07:11:00 pm  
Blogger Degstar said...

u tell 'em mate!

Wed May 03, 01:16:00 pm  
Blogger ish said...

good stuff, Rugasira's brand I mean, but I must say, i am of the opinion that guys are equally guilty of missin concepts all the time, the KB one included! nway, i appreciate ur honesty, now, would it be so if ur blog weren't anonymous?? as in, ever try honestly tellin a girl flat-out that she's to be a KB and no more?? just askin...

Thu May 04, 02:39:00 am  
Blogger jkb said...

Just a quick one to let u know your blog has been linked onto mine, if u do not mind...

Thu May 04, 04:56:00 pm  
Blogger Lovely Amphibian said...

poignant and all. and a great post.kati, dude, about you cavourting with a friend, why do i have this feeling that it is actually HER? not that it would matter coz i think you have had the best of two worlds and you have chosen where you want to lie.you are enjoying your re-education i see.

Thu May 04, 05:27:00 pm  
Blogger Degstar said...

water dwelling person,
i dont think i care for the tone of ur language either, of course it would matter, to me.

idle thought here; when Faith is 20, i'll be looking to settle down, u savvy?

Poet woman,
you pack a mean punch.
thus far i have not had to tell anyone flat out whats going down BCOZ it was CRYSTAL 4rm d beginning that that's what's up.
as we say in Kla these days, "A Chow is a Chow". 'nuff said

Thu May 04, 06:32:00 pm  
Blogger joshi said...

men and women werent designed to be friends...they were designed to GET THEIR FREAK ON!!!!dude u rock!!

Fri May 12, 05:34:00 pm  

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