Friday, July 14, 2006

Guest Blogger - D One & only Olivia

The toilet roll savage

At my workplace in the private sector, we have the girls’ toilet- the only piece of real estate that is our territory while at work. So while on our turf, I was perched upon the toilet, all the world lay before me- I looked around and beheld the glory before me. It wasn’t that pleasing- in fact it was quite bland…but that’s another story.

A toilet roll hang sedately on its contraption- rather handy one especially if your bowels have been attacked by vengeful bacteria with an axe grind- just because you ate corrupted food- for example, yoghurt…yes, yoghurt is corrupted food.
But I digress, a toilet roll hanging sedately- a picture of peace- but for the rough cut smarting of injuries brought on by the previous user. The rough cut to me said many things. For starters, this is the girls’ toilet- sometimes we get to have pink fluffy rolls, we also have air freshener- lemon scented, more so, we have the hand washing gel that is soft on the nails and the hands- a girl’s toilet.

The rough cut was worrying- it spoke of brutal savage strength, of one who in urgent need while on the toilet seat could not afford to carefully tear the tissue off the roll so as to keep the roll looking pretty. Instead, before me, was a savage native tear- it communicated aggressiveness: aggressiveness that sent a chill down my spine.

Still atop my throne, I pondered these grave issues, I thought to myself, ‘Can a girl really rip the tissue off the toilet paper roll in such a brutal savage manner??’
I was ‘mildly’ petrified- the prospects did not look good at all- especially since I know the girls I work with, the girls that use this loo- they are all dainty little pretty things. Surely they can’t muster such brutal strength from their dainty palms?

Still atop my throne, it hit me as it hits the good looking detective in the movies when he realizes that he has just jailed the innocent fool- while the clever psycho- usually a ravishing beauty and the real guilty one roams free.
Alas, I came to the grim and logical conclusion, ‘one of the guys is using our loo’. They can be savage-like. And I tell no lies.

If one of the guys really is using his savage strength on our pink toilet paper, our airspace, our turf has been violated. I quickly wrapped up my business with my toilet throne- I walked back into the office with a feeling of betrayal as I surveyed the guys’ hands for tell-tale signs of pink toilet paper. Even with my carefully trained eye following many episodes of CSI, I still did not find traces of pink toilet paper anywhere around the guys.
I became even more alarmed. I have since reached the end of my investigation and the only logical answer is one of the dainty little girls I work with might be a savage- the toilet savage! This file has since gone missing- the case is as good as closed. Meanwhile, on our turf, the savagery continues unabated. The toilet roll still gets molested. One of the girls really is a savage. I know nothing.

...

i finally got Olivia to blog, even if i had to do it for her.

4 Comments:

Blogger Iwaya said...

i could swear this sounds totally like Olivia but...no way...olivia wrote this!

Sat Jul 15, 07:48:00 pm  
Blogger joshi said...

agent deg has been summoned to agent olivia's cubicle,she demands to see his hands but alas there are no traces whatsoever of the pink tissue..ruffled hair and puzzled look,her desk is a clear image of her investigation...but then agent deg turns round and asks her where she was btw 10am and 10:30am..she cant remember,it's all a blur..agent deg says..'ive been watching u since yesterday,only i have been keeping score..yesterday were u not at mama baker's buying kasoli? a bewildered Olivia can only nod...Agent Deg then stands up as if walking away but then turns round and hits her with t he truth..'you came in here rushing and panting to use the loo thinking noone saw you BUT as i was taking a call from the reception i spotted u dashing towards the east wing and steathly u entered the loo...did wat u had to do and came rushing out,but little did u know that u had tissue sticking out from behind ure panties and under ure new nails!! Olivia shocked sees wat he is talking about and bows her head in shame..YOU thought no one saw you but i did...Olivia sniffing and crying but how come i dont remember a thing..thats coz u and the tissue savage are ONE...you olivia are THE TISSUE SAVAGE!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO...olivia runs out of her cubicle into the loos..Agent Deg looks around her desk and sighs..'that was a close call'...gets pink tissue out of his pocket and cleans his shoes and throws it into the bin and walks away laughing....THE TISSUE SAVAGE RETURNETH!!!!!!

Mon Jul 17, 02:04:00 pm  
Blogger Lovely Amphibian said...

it can't be Olivia. where are the million brackets? where?

and as Joshua put, deg must be the culprit. turn in yourself you funny man who visits the 'ladies'

Mon Jul 17, 05:11:00 pm  
Blogger ish said...

@josh, i like ur ending! funny thing is, it flows so well, deg might hav pretended to be u and written it too

Sun Jul 23, 01:45:00 pm  

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