Thursday, August 24, 2006

A Rather Belated Post

The Red Pepper, Uganda’s most widespread mass media conduit of smut and salacious gossip has come up with a coup! Starting last Wednesday, they’re doing a full disclosure on Ugandans who are doing things in the dark that they’d rather we did not find out about e.g. last week they outed like a bunch of men who are of alternative persuasion. A most telling list of people it was, some expected, some not expected. As if to be going out of his way to prove the guys at The Red Pepper right, one of the guys on the list then went ahead and raped a first year kid last Saturday at his crib - Pause for a minute there, you think this is a bit far fetched? You’re joking my friend; this shit is as real as the bald on M7’s head - After plying him with alcohol like a nonsense.

All y’all fresh campus kids, you want to steer wide of all those older guys who want to be buying you drinks like they got a duty to empty the bar of its stock. There are no free lunches in Kampala, baby. And if you think I’m making this up, go out tonight and put your finger to the ground, something nasty be going on in this town. Man, we were talking about this yesterday at lunch and some of the people on that there mentioned list, damn! I was in shock!

But the real meat of the discussion at lunch was the subject of The Red Pepper’s next expose, all y’all people who be cheating on your spouses and girlfriends. Your names and those of your partners in crime. The list comes out on Friday and you best believe that there’s going to be blood on the dance-floor come end of the week. Me, I know like a few dozen people who’ll be on the list no doubt, which is actually what we were doing at lunch; creating our own list of sinners. And what a list it was! Gundi’s wife and her toyboy, Uncle Jim and all his bu-campus chicks, the assistant of a top military man and chicks the age of his daughters, the wife of Moneybags who you’d think gets all she needs from her man but apparently there are things that not all of the money in Ug will buy.

The night before last night, and I suspect last night as well, there were a number of spirited and vigorous objections to the stated intention of The Red One to publish said list. Noises were made about privacy and the right to pursuit of happiness and prosperity without undue influence from other people and the State – sounds like a line from the US constitution, oh dear me, I cannot convincingly quote from my own constitution! Well whatever – other noises were made about recourse to the law should certain upstanding and right thinking members of polite society be included on said list by mistake. I tell you, it was volatile up in there. Which brings me nicely to the subject of this post.

Men, why do we cheat on our women?

Esther asked me the very same question as we were winding up work today cause she sat through lunch with us and ventured nary an opinion. In fact I even missed class today cause she and I were just talking about this sin most vile. I ventured the following opinion; we cheat because;
1. we don’t love the woman we’re with enough to stay faithful to her.

She argued that we cheat because;
1. we are overgrown victims of peer pressure
2. we have like major ego issues so we cheat on our women to feel make us feel better cause we don’t like the fact that the guy at the urinal in the club had a bigger schlong than us.
3. we were not loved enough as children

Ok, caveat emptor;
Some of y’all been cheated on and some of y’all are cheating on somebody. I’ve done both so I know how shit sucks from both sides. Neither am I pointing fingers at any of y’all who got little step-brothers and sisters either. I just want some help understanding why we do this shit.

Kati tell me, why would you cheat on your woman or man?
And why would you be so dumb as to get caught doing it? Like the Good Bishop Misaeri Kauma said, “If you’re going to be foolish, don’t be stupid – use a condom!” and don’t get caught.!

P.S. according to Esther, when I said men cheat coz we don’t love our women enough to stay faithful to them, I was thinking like a woman.

P.P.S. Isn’t that the point? Think like your enemy so that you can beat them at their own game? Or like Dennis Matanda likes to say, “Stoop to Conquer!”


Blogger joshi said...

ehhhh...babakuuteee!!! i bet the red pepper editors are like lil 6 year olds screaming..'otyo,otyo...otyo,otyo..tugenda kubalopayo...tugenda kubalopayo..

Thu Aug 24, 12:14:00 pm  
Blogger Mataachi said...

I tell you, these Red Pepper guys are making some of us have sleepless nights!

Thu Aug 24, 03:58:00 pm  
Anonymous bootyful said...

I've heard that some guys cheat coz their own women are stingy with the goods; so they go elsewhere to satisfy their urges!

Thu Aug 24, 06:49:00 pm  
Blogger baz said...

Red Pepper editors are like six-year-olds? Josh, why are you insulting six-year-olds?

Thu Aug 24, 07:02:00 pm  
Blogger Lovely Amphibian said...

baz, we all know about your beef with the red one.

men cheat and are made to look like they are the evil ones but i think its the other side. just because the media focuses on the sins of the menfolk doesnt mean the chicks are saints.

when the guns turn to the chicks, there'll be real blood on the floor, as you said. its okay to play play on men because its thought nothing will happen. but chicks have libidos as strong as guys and they are not shy to go out and get some when they have to. thats nature.

Thu Aug 24, 07:24:00 pm  
Blogger CountryBoyi said...

u wrote this very well. what red pepper is doing is called 'yellow journalism.' it is wrong and the motive for which it began way back in time was to amass as much money as possible through sales. and the only way was flash naked pictures of women on the front pages otherwise known as sensationalism. but as to the issue of why men cheat, i think they do because don't marry the people that complete them. simple as that!

Thu Aug 24, 07:30:00 pm  
Blogger Cherie said...

I beg to differ. However "complete"(countryboyi's words)a woman is, man is gonna sleepeth around! I don't think anyone can come up with a concrete philosophy on that!
Chics too cheat(alot alot!), difference is they are sharp enuf to cover their trails. I bet the chics edition of cheaters is gonna have like three!

@Mataachi...u survived this round but...round 2 is comin! U beta change yo game plan.

Fri Aug 25, 09:48:00 am  
Blogger ish said...

i think "men will be men" because they believe their libidos r stronger, more demanding and a bigger priority than women's and thus it's ok and accepted for them to be unfaithful. also known as conformity to social norms. it's actually a bunch of bullocks tho, that belief.

Sat Aug 26, 03:28:00 pm  
Blogger minty said...

The kamulali chaps are cheap imps. Another way to make money is to have a long line of prospective listers plying the editors with money so their names are deleted from the list. That's the purpose of giving advance warning and that's why some notorious names can be missing.

Cheating? I don't know how they do it. I think it's too much work juggling different babes/dudes.

Mon Aug 28, 02:42:00 pm  
Anonymous james said...

this is easy. men cheat cuz we love sex - period.

Wed Aug 30, 11:14:00 am  
Anonymous munnamawanga said...

Infidelity is simple...God did not design us to be faithful. Both men and women have a biological imperative to seek alternate and multiple partners of the opposite sex. The orderers of civil society have attempted to control sexuality to one man one woman so things such as property could be distributed in an orderly fashion after death. I challenge my Uganda brothers to read about the practices of the Canela tribes in Brazil. Peace.

Sun Sep 24, 10:17:00 pm  

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