Monday, September 25, 2006

First 250 days of Kisanja

Things that have happened in the first 250 days of the Kisanja

1. Rolex has gone up to Ushs. 600 from Ushs. 5oo. The increase has been attributed to the increased cost of eggs brought on by the scarcity of chicken, itself a result of the H4N51 virus, better known as Bird Flu. Funny but no confirmed cases were found, were they?

2. Boda-boda to my crib on the hill overlooking the Kisaasi section of the Northern bypass has doubled to Ushs. 1000 from Ushs. 500 due to the banning of their operations after 11:00pm by IGP Maj. Gen. Kaihura. Afande, shit is still the same, those wanna-be Hells Angels still be cruising the streets after hours.

3. The president has lost it with his dress sense; not particularly known for being debonair – u ever see those green army socks he wears with suits? – M7 has sunk to a new low; did you see the getup he wore to meet with the delegation from the EAC Secretariat led by Hon. Juma Mwapachu the new Secretary General? Dude, if Janet has burst, organise one of your bu side squeezes to sort you out because you have lost the plot kabisa, and this is not ettima, just patriotism.

4. I have a girlfriend. She’s a campuser, beautiful, in her 3rd year, goes to St. Francis, resides in Box, is a worship leader, sings like an angel, and is mad as a hatter. We are praying together and such not and that is the extent of our physical relationship. I am now a bonafide bencher.

5. Hon. Ali Kirunda Kivejinja became Minister of State for Information. The last I checked no one seemed to remember him giving a press conference on current matters of import e.g. the Cessation of Hostilities Agreement with the LRA rebels, the request by MPs for Ushs. 60 mil each to buy new SUV trucks/luxury saloons or as revealed by The Monitor, the Ministry of Health keeping a fleet of 1000 plus SUVs, most of which have never seen any offroad duty. This in a country where the same Ministry last year bought double cabin pickup trucks and labelled them ambulances.

6. Cineplex Cinema Wilson Road closed down in preparation to move to Garden city, the only “mall” in Uganda. Then an as yet unexplained fire broke out on the ground floor of the mall. I see more than coincidence here, I smell a conspiracy. Who of the upmarket outlets down there did not want us Wilson Road cinema goers stomping all over their terrazzo floors and lounging on their burnished steel outdoor furniture?

7. Occasionally in the taxi from Wandegeya to Kisaasi at about 11pm after benching Girlfriend, I am charged an extra Ushs. 200, upon enquiring where the rest of my change is, I am met with the quip, “anti mwalonda bubi”. Ok, so because I exercised my inalienable right to decide my political leadership I must pay a penalty? And I voted wisely for the record, mwatuba bubi!

8. Oil has been discovered in Uganda. Really this did not take a rocket scientist to figure out; if there is oil in southern Sudan and Southern Sudan is at a lower elevation than most of Uganda – as evidenced by the northward flow of the Nile – then surely that oil must have flowed down there from somewhere, right? Yet still, prices of fuel and fuel products in Uganda are more expensive than those in even more landlocked Rwanda. In my village Kisoro, we cross the border to buy our fuel in the Congolese border town of Bunagana, even their fuel is cheaper and they do not have a government in Eastern Congo. Go figure.

9. One of us has decided to make an honest woman out of his paramour and is currently organising to mince and sashay down the aisle at KPC North with her… that’s all I’m saying. It just hit me the other day that she will be in our lives FOREVER! Hmph, no more all night 24, O.C, CSI, Band of Brothers sessions. Oh, Cry the Beloved Friendship!

10. Life in the real private sector has thus far been one long holiday. I landed an account the first day after quitting and will shortly be registering the Ltd liability company. Next week I will morph into a salesman of computers and assorted accessories. God has been good.

11. That’s all folks!

P.S. M7, Taata, we want our road from Kabale to Kisoro! For the last 10 years you have fed us on a diet of byoya bya nswa inspite of the fact that we, me excluded after 1996, have consistently given you 99.9% of our votes at the polls.


Anonymous Bob the Builder said...

I have it on good authority that the road is actually going to be worked on and it is the construction company I work in that is going to be responsible for it. However, it is scheduled to last 6 yrs.

Tue Sep 26, 08:22:00 am  
Blogger Cherie said...

Welcome back Deg... now lemme read the post.

Tue Sep 26, 12:39:00 pm  
Blogger Cherie said...

good good,so can i safely say u have been hibernating in Bunagana this past month?
In my 'hood, rolex is still Ushs. 5oo(that is regular), super is Ushs. 700, millenium goes for a cool Ushs. 1000 and Titanic is Ushs. 1300.

the Prez has never had plot, wat with those open shoes at his swearing in ceremony?

nuff sed!

Tue Sep 26, 12:52:00 pm  
Anonymous itsaconspiracy said...

He's back. Guys were about to hack into this blog and start making shit up.

Or maybe that is what just happened.


Tue Sep 26, 03:50:00 pm  
Anonymous JKB said...

Nice post Deg. Btw, I pay far less for gas than folks in oil country of Alberta...u see where I am going with this?

Tue Sep 26, 05:51:00 pm  
Blogger baz said...

Dude, good to hear from you again. You have inspired me to also take a leap of faith and go for mine.

Tue Sep 26, 08:04:00 pm  
Blogger minty said...

Funny to see what things have happened since feb 26th 2006.

*If that's the same wedding, then said paramour is a good sport actually. You shouldn't lose your pal.

Tue Sep 26, 09:01:00 pm  
Blogger Carlo said...

isn't there a new road from k'la to kabale that's been fixed? and you forgot the "curra" problem, didn't that happen in the 250 days? and congs on your girlfriend, i'm sure you're also thinking of settling down so please don't forget to send me an invite sometime next year. mwa.

Wed Sep 27, 05:06:00 pm  
Blogger Savage-No, I didn't quit said...

Good to have you back from underneath that rock.

Wed Sep 27, 06:03:00 pm  
Anonymous Jay said...

Good to know that the private sector is teating you well.

Get your bench on.

Wed Sep 27, 06:52:00 pm  
Blogger Mataachi said...

i just loved Jay's comment!!!

oh yeah, don't stay away too long this time, please.

Fri Sep 29, 01:30:00 pm  
Anonymous savage said...

If all working class guys are dating campus chicks, who is dating working class chicks?

Sat Sep 30, 11:56:00 pm  
Anonymous workingclassguy said...

Hah hah! Good question, Savage!

Mon Oct 02, 05:11:00 pm  
Blogger scotchbiscuits said...

waama you bench! we have to start somewhere albeit in a church praise n worshiping!

Tue Oct 03, 01:43:00 am  
Blogger countryboy said...

u gal cherie, u sure hav something goin 4 the rolex. so am not alone afterall, hahaha!
now deg, as u can see, guys had not forgotten abt u. keep yo toes on the ground esp. when e goin gets rough & kindly b advised 2 keep away from campus chicks; they r simply 'good news' & that's far dangerous than sayin they r 'bad news.'

Thu Oct 05, 12:28:00 pm  
Blogger Degstar said...

so people,
who's dating d working class chicks if we're all benching at various female halls of residence?

Fri Oct 06, 03:22:00 pm  

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