Friday, October 20, 2006

My Girlfrend hates ...

My girlfriend hates Yasmin and Charlotte. Next to her, they are the other females I spend every working hour with. She loathes the fact that they go everywhere with me and until she put her oh so petite foot down last week, things were probably going to keep happening that way, Yaz, Char and I would have kept on triumvirating in our trinity of conspiracies. Yaz is of course my Nike rucksack and Char, well; she’s the Compaq notebook by which I swear. Without both of them I would be lost.

Girlfriend does not think so and now, when I do go to see her which is every other day (according to her timetable of course) Yaz and Char stay in the office. Unless of course girlfriend would like to see a movie in which case I will invite the gals along, as long as they’re on their best behavior. She’s amazing, Girlfriend, she really is. For her I will stay out late till almost past midnight … speaking of Girlfriends, I just remembered something … Paul my cousin is officially lost to the male of the species. As a man he is neutered.

Why, you ask?
Paul used to be the Hyde to my Dr. Jekyll. In P.6 he was tattooing himself with a Compass and Fountain pen ink on a dare while I was running for deputy HP. The thing with the mirrors under the girls’ desks? He did that. Hotcombed and relaxed his hair in P.7, did that (ok, I also hotcombed a kasunsu). Infact that Christmas, ‘92, we were at Sunset Hotel with the families and this white geezer invited Paul upto his room for a drink. He asked me along and I said to him, “Negro, you’re wearing your mum’s earrings and a wet look, WTF do you think that Zungu wants with your black ass?” He still went, mbu the free alcohol, and got lost in the corridors.

As indeed he was one of the few fellas I knew to have entered the girls’ toilet, twice (I am proud to report that I pulled this off when I was in S.4 vac, yup, I went back to Victoria Nile purposefully to enter the girls’ toilet). At Christmas of ‘91 when twas my turn to get up and dance during the dancing competitions, Paul stealthily changed the L.P to a just released smoking hot Salt n Pepa track, So I’m getting ready to bust a move and “Let’s Talk about Sex” comes blasting out of the speakers! In front of my mum and Aunt Christine and like a dozen cousins, half of them girls incl. Brenda who we both had a crush on (how d times change!) he then announces mbu that was the track I had chosen. I forgot how to dance, until the bull dances in SMACK but that’s another story, suffice to say, that one Shadow was well known for – how to say this – sensual gyrations!

Those Lourdel guys!

The last time I spent a weekend hanging with Paul, he brought his ex to my house for a little Slap and Tickle then when we went out the next night, he brought his – current – girlfriend along and provoked a catfight which ended in ex telling current what was going on and Paul denying he’d seen ex in months, “I swear I haven’t seen this chick in months, ask Degstar, I’ve been with him all weekend!” damn straight, he was. Ex stormed off (despite having no money) to her boyfriend (who knew about Paul getting it on and still took her back, infact aggressively pursued her), current wouldn’t get in the car, I had to get home (twas 3am Monday and I had staff meeting at 8am) then calm was restored when he agreed – despite his protestations of innocence – to buy ex Morning After and do an HIV test the next day.

Another time … kyokka the things I have been through with Paul!

Then he invites Girlfriend, her roomie and I to his place for supper and I’m praying he at least made his bed and removed the disassembled PCs from his dining table that morning. Imagine my shell shocked reaction when we walk into a spotless, clean smelling house with nary a dust mite. I was so shocked to see;

1. the carpet was clean, no rolex buveera on the floor, the air just … smelt clean!
2. the bed was laid, with what looked like new sheets,
3. the laundry clean, pressed and folded, no strewn about jeans and t-shirts,
4. the kitchenette had more crockery than the obligatory 2 stained coffee mugs and pewter plates, that,

I went into a state of muteness. While the girls fixed the takeaway supper, I pulled him aside and sought, nay, demanded an explanation. Quoth he, “man, mukyala came and organized my shit! She made me throw away the PCs, buy a fridge, oba new sheets, ties, dress pants, formal shoes … what! And guess what, not only did she make a copy of the key but she also blocked the emergency exit from my bedroom so now I can’t import a kinanka! And yet, I’m not getting any! Man, life is hard”

Then Girlfriend asked what we were furiously whispering about before announcing supper.
Paul: “we were just discussing which movie to put on for you guys, “Emma” with Gwyneth Paltrow or “Beauty & the Beast?”
Girlfriend: “oh Paul, you’re so sweet!”

While he winked at me behind her back, I took comfort in knowing that we were both abstaining, me voluntarily.


Blogger Savage-No, I didn't quit said...

Degstar do I know this Paul character?
"Hotcombed and relaxed his hair in P.7" suggests Lukandwa

Fri Oct 20, 05:13:00 pm  
Blogger joshi said...

gwe...ure cousin paul is my hero!!

Sun Oct 22, 05:30:00 pm  
Blogger Degstar said...

sorry mate, i didnt choose my family but i love them to bits. yes i was talking abt lukaks

Mon Oct 23, 10:31:00 pm  
Blogger Iwaya said...

Thus galfriend, I like!

Tue Oct 24, 12:23:00 pm  

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