Monday, January 08, 2007

Auld Sang Lyne

1. What is it about the date January 1st that has us believe we have a chance to make a new start? It’s just a re-alignment of the moons people, u wanna make a new start? Give your life to the Lord Jesus Christ who died that you and I may have life eternal. Floating on clouds, picking out the strains of Amazing Grace on our harps, sipping on honey and nectar.

2. Why do we wait until the fireworks and hugging and drunken kissing and general tomfoolery is over to resolve to be different; emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually? You wanna be different? Buy, read and apply “The 48 Laws of Seduction”, if you’re already married, dating or otherwise shackled, get “The 48 Laws of Power”.

3. Why do we wait an entire year to suddenly discover good Samaritan-ness at Christmas time, taking it upon ourselves to visit and pray – TV cameras in close pursuit - with hospital patients, orphaned children and elderly people? Where were you the rest of the year? Be more like me, don’t bother pretending at all. Give a few coins to that dude in Wandegeya who begs in impeccable English and calls you “brother/sister”. You’ll feel really sanctimonious. Or if u want, and I quote, “in as much as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me”.

4. Didn’t anyone else see the footage of Kampala City Council officials tearing Karamojong children from their street dwelling parents to deliver them to the Kampiringisa Remand Home for children? What sort of place is the Remand Home, what sort of facilities does it have? More importantly, how well funded is the joint? Do they have EATV? We must give the, literally n figuratively, poor children, something to aspire to. Look at Bobi Wine, he too came from the ghetto, now he drives a Ford Mustang and smokes weed all day. What else do you want? A stable home? The chance to be a child? Grow up.

5. Why do y’all wanna come to church on Christmas day and take up my seat after staying away all year? Y’all think I find that amusing? Heck no! Go to a church that needs you, like the Mormons maybe, Or the Witnesses, or the one opposite TLC.

6. What brand of Christianity – and I use the term loosely – does that church opposite TLC subscribe to? St. Andrews in Bukoto has been constructing their Community Centre since before I was a tot, playing Cowboys and Indians in the then bush between Total Bukoto and the Brown Flats. That church on the other hand was built in like 3 months on prime real estate! I hate rich churches with shady doctrines. St. Andrews don’t even have tarmac!

7. I am not attending any weddings this year. Nabikooye. Well maybe Cousin Akim’s, my presence at that one is bound to benefit me, immensely, in the months and years to come. Like say when it’s my turn to say “I do”. So for my personal selfish benefit I think I’ll go.

8. I haven’t been on a plane in a while. Which long lost aunt shall l lean on this time to be my benefactor? Heck I could just make up one, it worked the last time.

9. What do I have to do to stop receiving those SMS invites to La Club Rouge – can’t they see that I can’t even be bothered to know their proper name? When I wanna go out, I go to a place where I can see other people’s girlfriends and sisters pretending to be Rihanna. Places like Steak Out and Cheese Bums. Formerly known as Cheese Bar.

10. Why does Showtime Magazine only use skinny girls these days? Hey I like Barbara, we were tight in my previous life but damn, gal needs to get some meat on her. Karitas is jobless last I heard; can’t she be talked into her old job?

Have a rip roaring year y’all, thank you all and one for the felicitations.

4 Comments:

Blogger joshi said...

sokies im the first!!!have a great year to you too bruh!

Mon Jan 08, 07:26:00 pm  
Blogger Cherie said...

My God, U also use the cheese bums thing!!!??? Ma'Jode told me the history and I just love the nu name.

Meanwhile, that church opp TLC is a cult festival. Like that Mukantabana chic who talks to Mary-The Virgin Mother. Nice phrase. Wish I could be called that. Cherie-The Virgin Mother!

Again, cheese bums....Lovin it.

C u at Kamikaze!

Tue Jan 09, 09:36:00 am  
Blogger Cherie said...

Meanwhile, Joshi...U robbed that Sokies from me.

Tue Jan 09, 09:37:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you misspelled the title of your entry...its auld lang syne...o yea and God does not exist

Wed Jan 02, 03:29:00 am  

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