Monday, January 08, 2007

The Gud, The Bad & The Downright Nasty

10 things you ought to know about me starting now;

1. I get what I want. If I didn’t get it, it was because I did not want it enough, not because you were so adroit at refusing. Someone share this fact with the casting director for "Tintin goes Bananas".

2. My cooking is so good that it has women – thankfully – falling over themselves in paroxysms of dizzying ecstasy. Last Christmas for example, I did char-grilled pork chops, marinated overnight in whisky, garlic, cardamom, milk & pepper. Our guests, all female friends of my sister, were so thrilled they lined up to express it one after the other; on both cheeks … and the lips.

3. I watch Straka Mwezi’s show. As much for the fine selection of Ugandan music as to see what she’s wearing today. Irene on EATV, eat your heart out. Good Lord Straka, woman, what’re you wearing!? Yes, she is live on TV.and if u cant beat them, have d decency to watch them n laugh scornfully whilst doing so.

4. I like to rip linear holes in my clothing and then sew the holes up with thread of contrasting colour. I will occasionally wear a pair of jeans for months on end until it achieves that just-right aged look, down to the frayed hem. Vestiges of my bohemian youth. All my formal clothing however, is custom made.

5. Create Compelling Spectacles, Law 37, Page 309, The 48 Laws of Power. In my youth I owned a mid calf length grey woollen skirt with black piping at the hem. I wore it occasionally; it made climbing the guava tree in our backyard easier. Do what you will with this information.

6. The coolest “local” video for me right now is “Ekyeddalu by Gerald Kiweewa”. Fucking brilliant it is. It’s like an anti-HIV/AIDS song but who cares, it rocks my world. Soon as I get my hands on the softcopy I’m gonna remix it with the beats of Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down. But for the first few seconds I’ll use the opening sequence from the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I also like “Atetutua” by DJ Laguna even though I understand nary a word.

7. I’ve stopped reading inspirational; self help and get rich quick books. They’re all based on the Bible. And I already read that like a few half dozen times, starting in p3. Cover to cover. My fave part, The Prayer of Jabez, 1 Chronicles 4:10. Allow me however to recommend in the most glowing terms, “How to Win Friends & Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. The Dale Carnegie. Still blank? Crawl back under your rock.

8. I don’t believe the Devil has tapering horns, the head of a goat, the body of a lion, cloven hooves and a pointy tail. I believe he’s better looking than Laurence Fishburne, the one man I admit is fine. If he, the devil, were to seduce you with his looks and charm and wit and shit and ask you “who’s your daddy?” you would – whilst in the throes of … - declare “you Lucifer, you’re my daddy!” Remember he was the best looking angel till he tried to jump the queue. Idiot that he is, he resorts to mere sin to trap you. That’s why you needed Jesus to get up on the cross and shed his blood to save your sorry ass. Something about his blood paying the blood price for you.

9. I talked to myself as a child. I was comfortable with the notion that I had a split personality. Later I learnt to suppress Julius and lead a quasi-normal life. Lately I’ve gotten tired of his clamouring and been letting him out to get some air. For short periods of time. Like when I accosted Amon Lukwago, Tim Bukumunhe and Patrick Oyulu at the Launch of Brand Uganda in the Victoria Ballroom @ Munyonyo 14 months ago to inform Tim that, on his behalf I had let Eng. Lawrence Zikusooka know that by marrying him, and not Tim, Dr. Gladys Kalema had made a huge mistake. That was Julius. On like 4 straight double shots of Black Label. Subsequently he passed out in one of the cottages. He has now completed his banishment and will soon be eligible for playtime. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

10. …




Expected a No. 10? What is this? Downing Street? Didn’t you just read No. 9? The glib reference to Julius having completed his punishment? He doesn’t always keep his word, right Degstar?

13 Comments:

Anonymous Cheri said...

Yay, sokies!!!!

Baz and Minty...meet the new queen of sokies.

Mon Jan 08, 08:32:00 pm  
Anonymous cherie said...

Okay, thats actually makes sense. It must be Julius that I saw at communications house some time back. I thought twas u then Savage(he was still Sav then)told me u'd skipped these dusty streets.

Mon Jan 08, 08:38:00 pm  
Blogger Kenyanchick said...

What do you mean you "used to" talk to yourself? You say it like it's a bad thing.

Maybe one day Julius can meet my inner NairobiChick. I'm sure they'd get along famously.

Tue Jan 09, 11:31:00 am  
Blogger Be silent said...

Deg i want some lasagne with u as dessert so can u cook that up for me???

Tue Jan 09, 12:59:00 pm  
Blogger Iwaya said...

you CALL him Julius?

Tue Jan 09, 02:09:00 pm  
Blogger baz said...

Oh, you think Larry Fishburne is like sooooo dreamy, eh? He rocks your world, eh? And you used to wear a skirt, eh?

There is NO way you are ever going to shell me again in your entire life, Deg!

Cherie, I you may be the queen now, but I am the Jordan of Sockies. I will be back.

Tue Jan 09, 02:44:00 pm  
Blogger minty said...

Today for the first time in years I'm eating guava- and savouring every bite. For that alone, I'll ignore the necessity of the skirt to skivvy up the tree. However. The what what hem???

@cherie, one word: coups.

Tue Jan 09, 05:01:00 pm  
Blogger The 27th Comrade said...

Yeah, ditto on that thing about the devil being cute. A succubus, if you will.

Oh, and that alter ego of yours ... I also quit fighting this bugger now we live peacefully. I banished him for a while after reading Sidney Sheldon's Tell Me Your Dreams. Then I needed him. So I invited him back.

Wed Jan 10, 06:20:00 pm  
Blogger Lovely Amphibian said...

dude, you are back! and smocking!

in other news, i saw you sitting at the Bukoto stage engrossed in conversation with one, Olivia...maybe it was Julius.

Thu Jan 11, 12:28:00 pm  
Anonymous country boy said...

i agree with u strongly on the devil: he's smart, he's pretty, he's handsome, he's charming, has a sweet tongue, a sective body, he's a great dancer, he drinks wine, he goes to church, he acts in movies, he appears in misic videos, he wears high heels, and loves jeans, he has a deep voice, he has a sweet voice, he drives expensive cars, he likes lots of sex, u'll never miss him at goat races...the devil is everywhere!!

Thu Jan 11, 08:40:00 pm  
Blogger ish said...

what i dont understand is how wearin a skirt would make climbin trees easier. if anything it complicates matters.

and i will never think of u again without picturing u in all types of skirts!

and i've got Sensible Me and Wild Thing Me too. they're good girls, keep me busy tho

country boy; ur description of the devil had me laughing! i hear goat races...

Mon Jan 15, 05:09:00 pm  
Blogger ish said...

wait, i almost missed this one; u auditioned for "Tintin goes Bananas"??????

Thu Jan 18, 10:11:00 pm  
Blogger Degstar said...

@Ink,

i did too. then i remembered that i had Sunday vists with the girlfriend on the day that the panto started showing at the National theatre so i chull

Mon Jan 22, 08:15:00 pm  

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