Monday, January 08, 2007

Ho Ho Ho!

What I would have asked Santa for, if I believed;

1. My girlfriend’s parents to accept me and love me and bless our relationship without making too much of an issue over the fact that I’m originally from Congo by way of Rwanda and not somewhere in Kiboga.

2. Our Dear Leader, He of the Solitary Vision and Sole Redeemer of Our Beloved Nation from Bad Leaders, finally keeping his promise to tarmac the road from Kabale to Kisoro. I too would like to go home without having to take out travel insurance first.

3. Our honourable Parliament passing a resolution to reduce both their numbers and the number of constituencies as well as place a ceiling on the emoluments of a member of said Parliament for at least the next 10 years. In addition, stripping members of the cabinet, with the exception of the Prez, deputy Prez, and Premier, of the dubious “right” to enjoy a siren blaring police truck clearing traffic on their behalf.

4. Osama Bin Laden – now that I’ve written his name I’ve given the National Security Agency licence to hack into my emails and track my correspondence – to die from like prostate cancer so the US of A will run out of excuses to invade “Axis of Evil” countries and kill their leaders for the heck of it. Checks and balances are good. In the Blue corner, USA, Britain, Trinidad & Tobago and The Bahamas; in the Red corner, China, North Korea, France, Germany, Syria, Iran, India and the rest of the world; that’s us.

5. The results of my daily push-ups and sit-ups regime to finally start showing, I can feel that six pack on the inside, underneath the blubber, now I’d like to see it on the outside. Also while I have no problems with my hair growing as fast as it does, necessitating fortnightly visits to Farouk’s barbershop, maybe I should go for gold and have it growing on the top of my head as well. Having lost my widow’s peak years ago, I would like to still have a full head of hair for like another 2 decades.

6. Oil to start flowing out of Bunyoro, yesterday, so the price of everything from a taxi ride to a rolex will drop several units. Come to think of it, if we’re producing our own oil we wouldn’t have to pay through the nose tariffs for thermal electricity – in the absence of hydro electric power - because our own oil would be a lot cheaper than the imported diesel Aggrekko uses, right? We used to have elec all the time, many many years ago.

7. m7 to announce in his welcome speech at CHOGM that he’s resigning from office effective December 31 2008, in the meantime repealing the legislation that allowed 3rd term, ensuring the prosecution of you know who(s) for corruption, embezzlement, valley dams, Global Fund, junk choppers, Tri-Star Apparels, NSSF, Kony, potholes, dust, Ruhaama, letting Prof. Bukenya take over for the remainder of his term and in an exclusive interview with The New Vision’s Els de Temmerman, indicating his private belief that yes indeed, Dr. Ham Mulira, current ICT Minister, will make an excellent President in 2011.

8. The suits in the respective Treasuries of Ug, Kenya and Tz making a Customs Union happen ASAP, so that the political federation, to include Rwanda & Burundi of course, will in turn come to pass by 2011 when Dr. Ham Mulira will become Federation Governor (President) for Uganda, Nicholas Biwott for Kenya (u guys aren’t giving us too many options y’know), Bernard Makuza for Rwanda, Pierre Nkurunziza for Burundi, Anna Tibaijuka for Tanzania and Jakaya Kikwete President of the East African Union. We should be so lucky.

9. Finally saving, stealing, commandeering and blackmailing enough money to buy a navy blue VW Golf GTi with headrests on all 4 seats, 18’s, Ipod compatible Bose 5 CD changer stereo with surround speakers, AC, power steering, xenon headlamps, sunroof and 2 exhaust pipes, at separate ends of the backend. Nothing fancy really.

10. Health, wealth and happiness for every last one of you, your families and loved ones.

3 Comments:

Anonymous country boy said...

i see u really have returned, like they say, with a bang!!! welcome back, man!! and make sure u take that girl home --am sure her parents will bless ye!!

Thu Jan 11, 08:13:00 pm  
Blogger Rosie said...

Hey, u need to get back in circulation. U've got some really tight blog going. Come back.

Fri May 11, 08:56:00 pm  
Blogger Negros said...

Ok! iam ireneu from Mozambique,i was looking for contact of Queen Fatia (sip),you know why because i like her musics and i would like to tell her that here in Mozambique the peolpe enjoy her beats ok!you can send me her mobile of r ground phone as possible us you can ok!my email is mireneu@yahoo.com.
i hope to hear from you there so ,
HAve a nice day ok!
Ireneu Modesto,Mozabique

Tue Mar 09, 03:28:00 pm  

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