Monday, January 08, 2007

Honey, How Was Ur Day?

Today is Wednesday the 4th day of 2007.

I just came from my Aunt Kate’s house and I’m not sure I wanted to hear what she had to say about the subject of today’s Tyra Banks show. My aunt is a teacher and very strait-laced in my opinion. I was there as part of my new drive to be a pro-active member of my extended family; stuff like dropping in on the old folks so they gradually grow fond of me, that way when girlfriend has her way with me in the next 2-ish years, my aunties and uncles will come to the do because they actually want to be there.

So there we are watching Tyra talk to a bunch of white teenage girls about … gasp… their liking for fellow girls! No, not the liking of Stella is my best friend and I share everything with her, the liking that every able bodied man has for Trisha Campbell, who by the way is the hottest woman alive – y’all remember Kid n Play? Yes she’s not quite 18 anymore but she is hot! I digress, these bu-young girls were there on national cable TV telling everyone how they are bisexual and proud of it … down to the college stunts where like they get drunk and pass out at a party they sneaked out to attend and wake up in the morning naked to discover nudie pix of themselves on the internet … stuff like that.

So I opine to my aunt how TV has degenerated and stuff like that should not be on TV where impressionable kids are gonna see it and all, y’know, (do u want to discover on Open Up with Irene Kulabako that your 16 year old sister likes girls and boys?) cause most of these, they were like 8 girls, were coming out to the world and their families there and then. And Auntie turns to me and sez, “no, it’s good! We should have more of this cause its therapeutic and all”, man, I was thrown! I mean, abuse victims sharing their trauma with us is one thing but teenagers telling us about the nasty shit they be getting upto under the influence of alcohol, drugs and testosterone/oestrogen is not for me. Especially when the teenagers in question are daft redneck atheist American kids. No thanks. I don’t like Americans. Godless nation of baby killers the lot of them. Killing Afghan, Iraqi and Palestinian babies. But Auntie Kate says it’s ok for them to do so, so I guess it must be.

Y’know how people give you a business card with a street address on it so u assume that’s their office in case you need to drop by for some official work or something? Today I found out that it don’t exactly work like that out here in Kampala. Late last year I met this guy who does technical stuff; he did the interior for my sister’s shop. She’s followed my lead and quit her desk job to pursue her dream; starting a design house. Come down to the Ntinda shopping Centre, in my new role as shareholder, I get the opportunity to help you pick out blouses and skirts and pants, we’ll have so much fun I promise! So, Hussein walked in and sold himself and we hired him. He still hasn’t quite finished painting the coat hangers, if you look closely you can still see splotches of silver against the black paint but then again, true to form, that’s a Ugandan for you.

Well anyway I get commissioned to do a signpost and being the optimist that I like to think I am, I call him and brief him. Today I took him the softcopy so he’d get started on the print work and since I’d told him I was bringing it to him at his office I figured I’d just go to his office in the City Centre Complex on Luwum Street. Imagine my consternation on walking into Shop B28 to discover not the technical stuff shop I expected but a shop retailing … men’s attire! Jeans and boxers and shirts and Chinese shoes! I ask the lady behind the counter (why are they always fat, brown, speak Luganda and take 0.75 minutes to answer when you ask a direct question?) if Hussein is in. What else could I do, that was the address 0n the card. First … 0.75 minute pause … she said she had no idea who Hussein was, then I showed her the card which she studied contemplatively for all of … 0.75 minutes … then said she hadn’t seen him all day. Ok. Cool, whatever. I’ll … umph … call him then shall I, ok?

Which I did. I didn’t think it would be wise to mention that I’d just been in his “office” so I didn’t. We met out front, did our business and I left. Believe you me, I had 2nd and 3rd thoughts about giving him the job, but I have a deadline to meet and … I have a deadline. Speaking of which, I’ve been pigging out on Boston Legal lately, James Spader’s character Allan Chase, totally rocks! William Shatner’s Denny Crane is a close second. So in this one episode Denny is losing the plot, forgetting stuff and being kinda loopy so he takes this black-market drug called dextroamphetamine to combat the onset of, he believes, Alzheimer’s, yeah, and it works! He gets his memory back and he feels on point and he’s just going at 110%.

Outta curiosity and a lot more, I went to this pharmacy in Ntinda on my way home and ask them if they stock the drug. The elderly pharmacist looks at me kinda strange and asks me to repeat the name so I do. Spell it even. Then he shakes his head kinda sadly and asks me why I want it. So I tell him I hear it helps with like stress and memory loss and tiredness and stuff; I saw it on TV, it helps college kids read longer and harder and pass their exams. Says he, it’s a very controlled substance not available or licenced in Uganda. The only way I’d get it is if it was smuggled into the country, purposely. And while he stops short of declaring it illegal he points out that using it would make me 2, 3, 4 times better at what I do than the next guy. Run faster, read harder, fight better, climb higher, make love for longer … why would I want to do that to a young beautiful person like myself. Yes indeed, why would I?

To his credit he offered me a Korean ginseng extract called Ginsomin. And here I was thinking all this time mbu ginseng was only an aphrodisiac. I guess like Freud said, life really comes down to sex at the end of it all.


Anonymous Cheri said...

And more sokies!

Mon Jan 08, 08:36:00 pm  
Blogger Iwaya said...

this is so unfair! How did Cherie get here before me? i was checking several times everyday! except today! dammmnit.

but you can still rescue my day, which pharmacy was that Degstar, for scientific purposes, you know.

Tue Jan 09, 02:01:00 pm  
Blogger Cheri said...

Iwaya, guma!!! An the unofficial queen of lounging at work. So this is all I have left to do. Queen of sokies.

Thu Jan 11, 01:46:00 pm  
Blogger Zack said...

getting to your point... have u noticed there's such a growing horde of folk like your print-friend in town; i mean they with the fake business cards! If I were in your shoes, i really would-a told him off!! 'op he gets your work done else!

Tue Jan 16, 06:49:00 pm  
Blogger Degstar said...


d pharmacy on ur left just before u turn left to slope to Kisaasi as u come from the Yakobo side of Ntinda. 4 scientific purposes of course. if dey give u, i also want on yours.

Tue Jan 16, 08:13:00 pm  

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