Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Degstar's Inferno

March 26, 2007
I am an insomniac.
Some days are better than others.
The last few weeks have been horrid.
This is an account of a typical night for me.

12:30am - Sis wakes me after I fall asleep on the couch awaiting The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, to stay awake I grab the last chocolate chip cookie from tea at Charlotte’s place earlier today.

1:30am - elec bursts. Shoot. I’m going to bed, besides Top Gear aint even coming on no more. Bloody hell. Send Sheeba a text, she prolly just having dinner right now. Bloody mosquito is back, wonder where’s it been last few days

2:00am - say the first of what will be many prayers, decide to wear jeans and wingtips tomorrow + Cherie’s Red Ribbon

2:15am - I think its gonna be another of those nights, get up and go fetch a banana from the dining room, eat it in bed, drop the peel on the floor, will throw it away when the sun’s up, lock the bedroom door, think abt sleeping in the buff, might help

2:30am - shit, last Saturday was baby bro’s birthday and even tho I told Sis about it I then forgot! Damn. Double damn. Dats why he wanted to take me out for drinks! And I turned him down (Lenten season and all), oh I’m a bad bad person

3:00am - get out of bed and turn on the light switch just in case, decide to leave it on anyway, think longingly about the quarter of gin in the dining room, Ms. Swan’s packet of fags in my wardrobe, maybe even a joint, anything to knock me out

3:20am - Baby bro gets up to take a pee. I know its him from the way he flicks on the light switch, waits a beat and turns it off when the lights don’t come on. But most of all I know it’s him coz he don’t flush after tinkling. I stopped fighting that, Live and let live is my motto

3:30am - decide I’ll buy baby bro a book for his birthday tomorrow. Reread my text messages for like maybe the 20th time tonight, must drop in to say hello to Geoffa my dentist he’s sent quite a few reminders that I need a check-up and cleaning – yeah I do. Sheeba’s telling me about visiting Birmingham and getting her hair done in cornrows, gud 4 her, she promises pictures. Stella’s sent me the petition to boycott Lugazi sugar for what they wanna do to Mabira forest, I’m down with that. Kalyegira’s fishing 4 info on where I used to work, I be diplomatic in my answer – never kick people wen they’re down, lest they get up n put a hurtin on u – then he wants to write a story on my uncle’s death in the Raid on Entebbe, mmph, mummy rarely speaks of it, wonder if I can get Jajja to do so

3:47am - damn mosquito is back again, maybe DDT isn’t such a bad idea afterall, my ingrown toe nail starts throbbing, must be time to trim it again, oh dear, the blood and the pain

3:50am - take out pen and paper to start writing this stuff down, my memory’s starting to get stretched, use the light from my cell phone to do the deed

3:56am - thank God I sleep alone, the tossin and turning and contorting, I belong in a circus or sumthin, duvet hit the floor long ago, only got a sheet covering my modesty, drumming in the distance, who the hell throws a party on Sunday nite/Monday morning?

3:57am - realize the neighbourhood stray cat hasn’t turned over the trash pails tonight, since I missed supper, I guess that means we had like beans or something, that cat only come when we have meat or fish, in my mind Phoebe from Friends starts singing “Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?...”

3:58am - I need a phone with radio, like the one girlfriend took from me, contemplate getting out of bed to go get another banana, insomnia makes you hungry like that

4:01am - tired of unlockin the phone every 5 seconds so I can write by the light, definitely going to get that banana, then I’ll have to find another warm spot in my bed that allows me to lie still for more than 5 minutes, wind picks up outside, seems like a drizzle coming on

4:06am - sheesh man, even AJ hasn’t woken up to feed tonight, that’s strange, are they giving him brandy again, I was just joking about doin that! He’s still a baby

4:17am - after holding his peace all nite the neighbour’s mangy flea bitten wound infested cur adds his yelping to the general chorus of dog mayhem out here, sounds like a version of the musical DOGS, as opposed to CATS, chest hurts from leaning over the side of the – wooden – bed to write this on paper on the floor, def. going for that banana

4:24am - banana is finished; fight with sheets to untangle them, think longingly about Valium, again, no rain yet

4:27am - maybe Charlotte was right and I can’t sleep because I’m worried about stuff, then my worries must be for CHOGM! Let’s see, there’s my impending break-up to makeup with Boo, rite now I want the break-up but she comes from a good family, she’d make a great wife, what? U thought I was marrying for love? bambi

4:29am - uganda needs an all nite toll free trash talk show like they have in Manchester on Capital FM or Radio One, the station with Chris Moyles in the morning, that station was wicked, I think the show was called Barbage with this DJ just dissing other people and their ridiculous “problems” like the 16 year old who wanted to drop out of school, have a baby with her 17 year old unemployed boyfriend and then get a council flat coz she would be a single unemployed mother, on welfare, know what he said to her? School first, sprogging later, get ur head n hormones straight – I cant repeat the other disses, they were too war

4:37am - sky’s beginning to lighten, ever so subtly, where’s the chorus of DOGS + CATS go? There’s just that far off lone dog in what sounds like Bukoto-Kisaasi

4:40am - earlier today saw an episode of Smallville in which Clark saves Lois + Lex Luthor from a bullet shot at them by this chameleon assassin – he make himself invisible n stuff – who Lois had fallen for, then because Lois and Lex were both cowering in fright and didn’t see Clark stop the bullet – supersonic speed n all – she thinks Lex saved her life then she falls for him and is now gonna date him –despite Clark’s warning not to- since she broke up with Clark?!!! Small wonder no one in the house ever caught on to Smallville, it’s like the Barbarita thingy, why cant women take constructive advice from their ex-es on the men they wanna date? Just coz we didn’t work out don’t mean I don’t know what’s good 4 u

4:42am - why’d the contestants in “The Apprentice” seem so dense? Aint they the best and brightest that Stato has to offer? Now my entire foot is throbbing like the blood just started flowing back into it, pins and needles here

4:44am - if I had to which would I rather lose? An arm or a leg? If I was being tortured? U cant waltz without a leg –unless u’re Heather Mills ex McCartney- but then u cant make love with only 1 arm, oba a nipple vs a finger? An ear or a … cojone (can u lose just the one?) does Kony give his victims a chance to choose? I’m fed up hearing the sound the phone makes when it’s locking the keypad!

4:49am - 2 days ago Cedric at the shop pointed out my impending bald head for the 2nd time in less than a month, oba I start wearing a clean shaven head? Is my hair receding that fast?

4:57am - the music in the background? Definitely lingala, at this time on Monday morning? What sort of moron is awake to be listening to it? Well, apart from me of course?

5:01am - do we have trains near Kisaasi? Cause I hear a train or the humming of heavy machinery, like a convoy of 60 foot trailer trucks, a very long convoy indeed, shoot! Tis now 5:02am! I concede the fight to fall asleep now, ah well, we’ll just await sunrise then

5:10am - sumthin bites me on the right elbow, scratching it I do a mental checklist of everything I’ve tried before to fall asleep; Sade (Love Deluxe always works), reading, tea, coffee (caffeine relaxes me, not the other way round), physical exhaustion (a couple dozen situps and push ups), yeah I need valium, the trains are back, faint rumblings of thunder in d distance, that’d be nice, rain whilst y’all go to work Monday morning so I can get some sleep, rain’s soothing like that

5:18am - rain sweeps up from the valley, thank you Lord, at least now the dust will be dealt with

7:55am - I open my eyes to electricity after a rather tortured dream in which I was an Italian carabinieri marching upto the gates of the Italian embassy and demanding to be let in … too many late nights my boy? Hmmph?


Blogger The 27th Comrade said...

Deg, whatever it is you are smoking, I want to buy the source!

LO-friggin'-L! I guess nothing does it like this kind of stuff, to remind me why you are like really high on my list.

Wed Mar 28, 10:47:00 pm  
Blogger The 27th Comrade said...

Looks like I am the only one! Okay, first, this is awfully brilliant. You should be at the next BHH, please.

The Daily Show! Yay!

Wit. If I start this, I'll be blogging in this space. Damn. This was It.

Thu Mar 29, 08:58:00 am  
Blogger joshi said...

Another Jon Stewart 4:49am is like groundhog day for me..every friggin day!!

Thu Mar 29, 03:58:00 pm  
Blogger Cheri said...


Wait a minute...... JULIUS!!!! (that's the only logical explanation.)

Wat phone is that? I need a battery like that.

Good mention of the Ribbon.

Deg, get the ribbon from Julius. I must'a thought t'was u I gave it to.

Thu Mar 29, 06:05:00 pm  
Blogger Lovely Amphibian said...

trains in kisaasi?! man, dont tell me i have to move from there even before i have lived there.

but then again, it could be Julius saying things to you and we can't rely on him, y'know.

Thu Mar 29, 06:19:00 pm  
Blogger Dante said...

Ur on a roll man! These r some mad niggerish posts. Keep the flow

Mon Apr 02, 12:17:00 pm  
Blogger amandasblognews44 said...

Mitigator Rules!
I can recommend a new “scrub” product called “Mitigator Sting & Bite Treatment”; to say that it is terrific is an understatement! It actually removes venom by exfoliating the top layer of skin, opening the pores and drawing out the toxins. I had instant relief from pain and itching and all traces of the sting disappeared within minutes. I found it on the web at which is their military website. I called and they sold me (6) ½ ounce packages for about $2.00/pack (each resealable pack treats about 20 stings or bites). The only thing that can create a problem is if you wait too long to apply it, it should be rubbed in vigorously within the first few minutes after the bite or sting – the longer you wait, the less effective it is. I’ve used it on bees, wasps, fire ants (no blisters even appeared), mosquitoes and chiggers. They say it works on jellyfish but I’m a long way from the ocean so I haven’t needed it for that problem. No smelly chemicals, works great and is even safe for kids (the scrubbing replaces scratching so – no secondary infections). I should make a commercial for them!

Tue Apr 03, 06:45:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(imagine chic holding up her smirnoff black ice)'s to your genius, one that defies the very limits of geniusness.

..basically ur blog is a reader's orgasm...


Thu Apr 05, 02:50:00 pm  
Blogger ROLEX MAKER said...

u gotta have it! some brogrens are rappers ---tha CD is out. and from what i hear its ballistic! u gotta have it –mbu the records will take u to paradise. CB did the review.

Sun Apr 22, 02:00:00 pm  
Blogger lissingmink said...

nice... nice- i know about insomnia

you are a true nocturnal- do you turn to dust when the sun comes out- nice blogging

Wed Apr 25, 09:00:00 pm  
Blogger Jasmine said...

from one insomniac to another, your issues are for CHOGM!

Wed May 02, 10:50:00 am  
Blogger Darlkom said...

Dude, you haven't blogged in longer than me.

Tue May 08, 09:47:00 am  
Blogger The Pseudo-Independent said...


Wed May 23, 07:07:00 pm  
Blogger joshi said...

Dude wats going on????????CONSTRUCTION WORK???Failed to sleep, now u can finally sleep..wat gives man..

Thu May 24, 07:26:00 pm  
Blogger joshi said...

deg, we saw u in newspapers..u cant say u were in sudan, kigali or Zimbabwe!!We're in June, man!Is everything well?

Fri Jun 08, 04:37:00 pm  
Blogger shasha said...

great read! you should blog more though.

Fri Jun 08, 06:32:00 pm  
Blogger Carlo said...

2:00am and i'm reading your blog. no, i'm not an insomniac. heck, i'm sleepy right now. but you're good.
p.s. i'm from a good family. p knows that.
p.p.s. oliwa? blog more already!

Wed Jun 20, 01:03:00 am  
Blogger Iwaya said...

Degstar, this is the official petition beginning: Blogsphere wants you back! One down.

Wed Jun 20, 10:43:00 am  
Blogger DeTamble said...

27th needs some help.
New post at mine.
Go read...NOW!
Or else I shall no longer worship you...

Oh, and come back already!!

Thu Jul 31, 01:31:00 pm  
Anonymous オテモヤン said...


Mon Jan 25, 02:25:00 pm  

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